Men are like dairy products.
They have a short shelf life. Once opened, you have to refrigerate and consume them by the "best before date" or you'll get a tummy ache, throw up, or die of food poisoning.
Here's a guide of the kind of dairy product you could be dating;
- He asks for your number and writes it on his hand; he doesn't enter and save it on his celphone.
- He arrives late on your first date.
- Over dinner, he keeps looking at other girls except you.
- He says he believes in equal rights and suggests that you split the check.
This man is curdled from the start. Make sure you have taxi money because he's definitely not bringing you home.
He's yoghurt (good for two weeks) when:
- He sends you obscene text jokes. It could be refreshing at first until you start to wonder if you're dating a pervert/serial killer.
- On your second date, he brings another girl because he doubled-booked and forgot to cancel you.
- Over dinner, he ogles a girl with a big breasts (not you)
- To add insult to injury, he suggests you pick up the check, since he paid the last time.
Who knew things would get rotten this fast? You should have dumped him in the first week.
He's an egg (good for one month) when:
- He gives you his home number. You call, innocently asks for his wife, and the person who answers say he's single and lives with his domineering widowed mother.
- He brings you flowers. Never mind if they're wilted sampaguity garlands bought from the street children anxious to go home.
- He laughs at your corny jokes then tells even cornier ones and that's the extent of your conversation
- On your fourth date, he borrows money from you.
It was fun while it lasted. Say goodbye now because this egg is definitely cracked.
There are dairy products that last longer than a month, Cheese, for instance, lasts a year - sometimes more.
But like men, they smell and they have holes in their excuses.
Question: Are there men out there who will saty with your through a nuclear war or at least until the economy recovers? Or will they leave at the first sign of a younger woman, especially one who fawns and has big breasts.
Answer: Men leave
They die or never come back. Pray they stay dead or move to Iraq.
But why do they leave in first place? I have three theories...
- Women want commitment; men don't.
- Men want women to run the show but they don't want to know about it.
- Men want good women, good women are too much for men.
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Now, I totally agree with this. 
Guess the Differences:
Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
A: 45 lbs
Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
A: 45 minutes
Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes. 
Happy Heart's Day! 
