Virus' Week

Medyo malas ata ko this week.
Last sunday, may nakasingit na virus sa download ng sister ko. Punyemas na virus yan, walang awa. Tuesday, I lost the connection of dsl on my server dahil sa virus... Thursday, lahat infected. I wonder what happened to my anti-virus, na-virus na din ata. Oh well, lahat kami natatawa pag naiisip namin na ganon na nga yung nangyari... but on the other side, nakakabwisit. Sira ang internet and gunbound life ko. huhuhu!! Pati negosyo apektado!!
Nak ng pating! kung kelan naman naka-dsl na ko saka pa nangyari to. Napunta pa ko kila Chris para lang maki-internet.

Last night, inayos na nung technician ko tong server pero isolated siya. Di muna namin sinama sa network. May co-server naman ako kaya ok lang. Sana mamya magawa na namin yung 9 para wala ng problema bukas. Kaso ang malaking problema, wala na din akong kasama dito sa shop. Hay pano na ba to? 5 am na kami natapos kanina.. gusto ko din naman matulog noh..

He's still texting/calling me.. Syempre, sinasagot ko na din. Kinakausap ko na din siya pero nandon na yung distance. Kasi dati ang nasa isip ko, kaya kong mag-move on kahit nandyan siya eh.. Ngayon, kelangan na talagang mag-pursige kundi pupulutin ako sa kangkungan. Nyemas!! Malapit na pala kong mag-28

Kelangan ko na bang i-career ang lovelife ko?
Ayaw ko muna... bwahahaha!!

Thank you Friend

Around 9 am awhile ago, I received a long text from Bullit..
3 days na daw siyang di mapakali.. di makatulog ng maayos... disturb...
Siguro daw kasi miss na daw nyang makakita ng kasing panget nya (at ako yon).
I disregard his text at pinilit na matulog ulit kasi ayan na naman siya.
11 am, I received a long texts from him again,
puro explanations kung bat di siya makapagtext at kung ano-ano pa...
Ok, 5 days na sira ang network ng sun cell, accepted ang reasons nya.
Kaya di naman ako nagtetext kasi ayoko lang talaga at syempre until now di nya alam kung bakit.
Siguro nagtataka siya kung bat di ako nagrereply,
nag miss call siya.... once... twice....
Umiiyak na ko, gusto ko na ayaw kong sagutin ang celfone.
I was gripping my rosary, asking God to give me more strength to hold on to my decisions the other day.
Mahirap talaga pag umpisa...
Pang 3rd time na nag ring ang fon at papatayin ko na sana..
biglang nakita ko ibang name ang nakaregister..
Oh my.. si Jeff na pala
Nung sasagutin ko na sana, binaba na nya yung fon.
I call him back... at napaiyak na ako kay schat.. I told him what happen just before he called.
Ayon, napayapa ulit ang loob ko.
Kahit nung isang araw, kahit wala siyang kamuwang-muwang sa buhay ko..
Ang galing tsumamba ng pagkakataon..
Siya ang nag absorb ng sama ng loob ko.
Sana tuloy ang date ng mga single sa Valentine's day...
Excited na ko. :)

Masyadong madami akong dapat pagbalingan ng attention ngayon.
Tama na muna si Bullit, oo nga pala... tapos na siya.

Lumabas kami ng sister ko kanina,
Sinamahan ko siyang mag exam tapos sinamahan naman nya kong pumunta sa Gilmore.
After that, nanood kami ng Electra sa Megamall.
Buti.. di na siya masyadong nagtatanong tungkol kay Bullit.

To all my friends..
thank you so much for all the support you've given me.
ipag-pray nyo din sana ako na malagpasan ko to. :)
I love you all. :)

Rumble

Grabe ang lamig ngayon, parang December pa din
parang nasa Baguio ako.
Went to Ace hardware 2 days ago to buy a heater
To my dismay, ubos na daw yung stock ng pang nawasa na heater nila,
yung pang deep well lang daw ang available....
I'm wondering what the difference between a nawasa and a deep well heater...
Eh parehas lang naman silang tubig di ba?
Can somebody enlighten me...
Seriously, I cant see the point.
brrrrrrrrrrr.........

My dsl line was installed last sunday...
whoooppieeee!!!!
No more lags at gunbound!!
Yahoo!!!

Masyado akong bad yesterday...
Habang iniayos ang configurations ng mga pc,
Meron akong nalaman...
Di ko alam kung dapat ko bang sisihin yung sarili ko,
Siguro sabi ni God, maybe it's about time for you to know..
that all of your hunch is true.

I get depressed again on what I found out..
Nakakadismaya...
I wasted 3 1/2 years of my life....
Ganon pala yon... nawala lahat ng pagmamahal ko sa kanya.
Nakakahiya siya...
Nakakasuka...

Talked to Jeff awhile ago...
Medyo na-enlightened ang isip ko..
Nagawa ko pang itawa.
When he asked me how am I feeling...
tama naman ang sagot ko....
I'm hurt pero parang kaya ko ng tumawa..
Siguro dahil manhid na ko lahat ng ginawa nya.
Kaya siguro dito sa nalaman ko... isang iyakan lang..
Pagkatapos non... tinulog ko na lang.
May magagawa ba ang luha kung nandyan na?

Ang mahirap lang eh yung trauma ko sa nangyari.
I can't let it out.
Paulit-ulit na lang eh
Nakakasawa na.
Gusto ko man ng bagong love,
Para ano pa?
Ready na ba ko?
Naka-move on na ba ko?
Kaya ko na ba na ibigay ulit ang sarili ko?
Kaya ko na ba ulit yung commitment?
Kaya ko na bang mag tiwala?

Para sayong buset sa buhay ko

I don't want to be your friend

I don’t wanna see your face
I don’t wanna hear your name
I don’t wanna thing
Just stay away, baby

Don’t wanna know
If you’re alright
Or what you’re doin’ with your life
Don’t wanna hear that you’ll stay in touch, maybe
I’ll get just fine

Refrain:
So if you’re goin’ then darlin’ goodbye,
Goodbye…

Chorus:
Don’t call me in the middle of the night no more
Don’t expect me to be there
Don’t think that I will be the way it was before
To think that I care
I’m not over you yet and
I don’t wanna be your friend
I’ll forget we ever met
I’ll forget I ever let
Ever let you into this heart of mine, baby

You just gotta let me be
You gotta keep away from me
‘Cause all I want to be is just free of you, baby

Don’t you come around
And say you still care about me
Go now, go now

Don’t call me in the middle of the night no more
Don’t expect me to be there
Don’t think that I will be the way it was before
To think that I care
I’m not over you yet and I don’t wanna be your friend
You take it casually

And baby, it’s killing me
Goodbye, goodbye

Don’t call me in the middle of the night no more
Don’t expect me to be there
Don’t think that I will be the way it was before
To think that I care
I’m not over you yet and I don’t wanna be your friend
And I don’t wanna be your friend
Don’t call me
Don’t come around
Don’t wanna be your friend.

Gunbound Life

I guess this is not a good day to play
and I don't know what's wrong with my game...
Everytime we tag along, I always miss a shot..
I couldn't focus..
I couldn't concentrate..
Was it because of you?
or am I too confident that I can win the game with you.

Funny it seems that my life right now is this game,
Yeah... I know..
I've got to get a life..
lolz....
What is life, anyway?

Love Song For No One

Staying home alone on a friday

Flat on the floor looking back

On old loveOr lack thereof

After all the crushes are faded

And all my wishful thinking was wrong

I’m jaded

I hate it

I’m tired of being alone

So hurry up and get here

So tired of being alone

So hurry up and get here

Searching all my days just to find you

I’m not sure who I’m looking for

I’ll know it

When I see you

Until then,

I’ll hide in my bedroom

Staying up all night just to write

A love song for no one

I’m tired of being alone

So hurry up and get here

So tired of being alone

So hurry up and get here

I could have met you in a sandbox

I could have passed you on the sidewalk

Could I have missed my chance

And watched you walk away?

I could have met you in a sandbox

I could have passed you on the sidewalk

Could I have missed my chance

And watched you walk away?

I’m tired of being alone

So hurry up and get here

So tired of being alone

So hurry up and get here

You’ll be so good

You’ll be so good for me

Fed Up

30 hrs na kong di nagtetext kay Bullit.
Sabi nga nung title ko.. fed up.
Not because he's not texting nor calling me
kasi he call on me naman after kong mapublish sa blog ko na di na kami nag-uusap.

Kagabi, bago ko matulog.. bigla kong naumpog..
Parang yung makapal na helmet ko sa kanya eh biglang nawasak
Siguro dahil sa kayabangan nya sa kin nung naglalaro kami ng gunbound.
Gunbound lang pala yung way para magising ako sa kahibangan ko.
Di ko gusto ang timbre ng pananalita nya..
Bumalik na naman ang kayabangan nya.
Anyway, di ko na lang sasabihin kung ano yung nangyari..
basta na-offend ako ng husto sa ginawa nya.

Wow.... after a year (after our break up) ngayon lang ako nagising sa kagagahan ko.
Andyan na yung harap-harapan nyang pangtu-2 time at pangloloko sa kin
pero di ako nagalit, di ako napagod sa pagmamahal at pagtulong sa kanya...
Pero ngayon, masasabi ko nang......
AYOKO NA!!! TAMA NA ANG KAHIBANGANG ITO!!!!!
Bukas, pag gising ko... Alam ko, eto pa din ang sasabihin ko sa loob ko.

Actually, di na ko nasasaktan.. tapos na ko don.
Hindi na din ako iiyak para sa kanya.
4 na taon ang nasayang sa isang relasyong pinagkaingat-ingatan ko.
Sinayang nya lahat...
Sinayang nya ako.................................

Parang gusto kong punitin lahat ng binigay nya...
gusto kong sunugin yung singsing at hikaw hanggang matunaw..
gusto kong basagin yung celfone..
wasakin yung damit at stuff toys..
Para magkasya sa isang box ng canned foods..
at ibabalik ko sa kanya with note na..
"Maybe, you should have give me more!"
Kaso baka isipin na gusto ko siyang bumalik sa kin..
Wag na lang..

Tama yung sabi ng friend ko...
Oo nga...
Checkmate na tayo Bullit!
Tapos na ang laro.. at ikaw ang talunan.

Nakakalungkot isipin na umabot na ko sa dulo ng pisi ko.
Akala ko walang hangganan na yon....
Ngayon, alam ko na...
Meron din palang hangganan ang isang pagmamahal na totoo
Mas lalo na kung inabuso at niloko ka.
Kala ko nagfe-fade lang ang pagmamahal at di nawawala..
Meron din pala.

Salamat sa experience..
Sana di na ako makatagpo ng taong katulad mo.

Random Thoughts Again

I must confess ....
adik na ko sa gunbound.
napapanaginipan ko pa nga eh.
nakakatuwa lang yung interaction with other players.
some laughs at my nick.. "Panget" nga naman kasi.
inalis ko na yung bullitgurl na nick... nakakasawa na.

Talked to Bullit awhile ago, he was trying to call me daw.
if he's interested with me, sana nagtry siya na magtext kung network busy palagi.
alibis.. excuses... I'm fucking tired of it.

We had a party on our house awhile ago.
Nakakaiyak sa saya..
for almost a decade, ngayon lang nakumpleto ang family ng mom ko.
Nagkita-kita kaming lahat magpipinsan..
I'll post our family pic one of these days.

Oh my... 2 days to go and my Uncle and Auntie's are going back to Belgium.
I will miss them, esp my Uncle Cocoy who took care of us when we we're just kids.
Sometimes, I want to hug him..
Tell him that I will miss him..
Baka magkaiyakan lang kaming dalawa.
I was in elementary when he went to Belgium,
parang lumiit yung mundo naming magkakapatid kasi wala ng nagpapasyal and nag-aalaga.
Mama is busy at work and papa is busy with his friends and his other wife.
Nagloko ako nung Grade 6, pinalayas ako ni Mama (para matuto)..
Wala kong matakbuhan non kundi si Papa lang..
If only he was here that time, baka sa kanya ko tumakbo.
Oh well... ok naman yung stay ko kay Papa,
di lang maganda yung samahan namin nung madrasta ko.

Past is past...
I have to move on..
If he doesn't love me anymore..
Maybe it's about time to bring back my life..
Wala naman sa kin yung problema di ba.
Siguro, in our younger life.. we're going to face our hardest dilemma.
Eto na siguro yung sa akin pagdating sa lovelife.
Yung sa career.. if I have to stay here in the Philippines or pumunta na din ng Belgium.
One thing that stops me from going there is my mom.
I can't imagine living far from her... naiiyak ako pag naiisip ko na yon.
Mind you... di na si Bullit ang iniisip ko about this matter.

Life goes on...
With or without him.

Random Thoughts..

It's been a while I and Bullit haven't seen each other..
.... he's not texting me like before,
.... no calls either.

I miss those calls at the afternoon after his training...
just asking me how's my day and he's going home,
or calling me bcoz he's pissed off at MRT station,
or some funny adventures.

Maybe, I miss everything about him,
but I'm beginning to get tired of playing alone on the game he started.

My friend told me,
our relationship is like playing a chess,
one false move and we're checkmate..
Just like that, we're out of the game.

Just thinking of everything we shared for almost 4 years..
How could he just threw it away?
Or maybe, I should also have to ask myself if I'm going to let it burn.
Hmmmm..... It's not easy.....
I feel like I can't go on not loving him.

How could I still love this guy after all the pain I've gone through.

Dolores

Take a glimpse to my baby...

Her name is Dolores...
2 1/2 months old

She loves...
sleeping
cuddles
eating.... (before Schat died, and that is what Mama Anne's problem.. how to bring back her appetite) :(
tummy tickling


Hates....
fish...
and pangets

Doctor.. doctor.. I am sick

I'll be gone for awhile. Medyo pangit ang pasok ng taon sa kin in health term coz I've been sick since the year started. Muscular pain at the back.. hanggang sa pati paghinga ko naapektuhan na. Ang conclusion nilang lahat, pati ni doc eh over fatigue na daw ako... tapos madaming iniisip.. Oh well....

Maco-confine na dapat ako yesterday. Di lang ako pumayag. Nung umupo pa lang ako sa wheelchair sa ER eh inabot na ko ng nerbyos.. sa kama pa kaya ng hospital.
Nakakatuwa lang yung mga customers ko na nagtetext sa kin, dadalhin daw nila ako sa manghihilot.. Naappreciate ko naman sila :)
Nakakatuwa din yung pamangkin ko sa hospital (kasi sinama ng sister ko)... to calm us... sumayaw ng ispageti.. at binigyan ako ng chocolate na dala-dala nya, sabi.. "mama anne is sick" daw. bibo and sweet.. haaaay!! gumaan ng konti ang pakiramdam ko :)

Mga 1 week pa siguro ko magpapahinga... takas lang tong pag iinternet ko kasi super bored na ako... Super bed rest. Medyo nakakatulong naman yung gamot kaso hilong-talilong naman ako pag nakainom na. Anyway, naeenjoy ko naman kasi sobrang pahinga and madaming time with my family. Affected lang yung business kasi siyempre, di na kakayanin ng assistant ko na magduty hanggang madaling araw. Pero ok lang yon, maganda naman ang pasok ng business ngayong taon na to :)

Oh well.. naiisip ko lang ang Ali, may pending pa kong trabaho don.
Hay.. bahala na muna sila.