Moody Me

too emotional, sensitive, cheerful, funny, depress lately.
Oh yes.. sometimes I cried alot.
I dont know how do to deal with this.. maybe I'm just feelin' a little crazy, tired, and bored.

Guess, I'm stressed for the whole week.

Bullit suggested that I should rearrange my routine coz I was beginning to get bored and not challenged.. Maybe, he's right...
.... or maybe I'm the one who's wrong.

What I feel today...

Tired
Wala na naman akong kasama dito sa shop. Wish ko lang, makakuha na ng bagong tindera si Mama para makabalik na dito si Sheryl. Ang dami ko pa namang plans. Wala naman, puro kakikayan lang. Ang mahal naman kasi magpa-hairdye sa parlor. Kaya naisip ko na kaming dalawa na lang ang magkukulayan. Oh well, napurnada ang pabyuti.

Irritated

Ewan ko.. iritadong iritado ako don sa isang babae. Hindi ba siya manhid? Ayaw na nga sa kanya nung iba eh panay pa din ang hirit nya. Hay! No further comment. Basta, inis ako sa kanya! Period!

Excited

I'm glad Ate Thess is back from her vacation. I can't wait to talk to her again. Asan na ba ang hitler at sa offline message lang kami nagkikita. :(

Wag lang sana akong masabihan ng "talk to my hand jo" :p

Disappointed

... sa result ng test ko kaninang umaga. At dumating pa ang katotohan nung lunch time na hindi talaga totoo. :( Iniisip ko na lang na ... "maybe, this is not God's plan for me".. Optimistic ako ngayon.
Kung puso ang paiiralin ko... nakakadepress talaga. Pero kung yung isip.. Tama lang.

To top it all.. my day is Good. It wouldn't be complete if I didn't feel depress and irritated. :)

paextra lang...

Punyeta!! mas naiirita ako. Ano ba naman yung respeto na tinatawag. Siya na ang humihingi ng pabor tapos tatawagin pa kaming alipores.. Bastusan na to. Though di ko cover yung forum na yon.. masakit pa din pakinggan. Hindi kami binabayaran sa site na yon para mahingan ng pabor at magpatawag ng alipores lang. Gusto kong mag reply pero ayaw kong lumaki ang gulo... pero punyeta talaga... At anong sense of humor ang gusto nya.. Matatawa ako pag tinawag yung mga kasama kong Alipores?! Pu**ngina!

:)

May dumating akong customer 2 nights ago. Nag-internet siya and naglaro ng games. He was smiling at me the whole time he's here.. Naisip ko, siguro friendly lang talaga. When he's done with what his doing at habang nagbabayad..

customer: Ate, naalala mo yung resume na ginawa mo sa kin dati?
I couldn't recall it.. but I remember his face..
j: oh.. Bakit?
customer: Nakapasa yung resume na ginawa mo.. Natanggap ako don sa trabaho na inaapplayan ko. Thank you ha.

Konting chika about the work he's into coz he's also studying at the same time.
Feeling accomplished ako that night. I'm happy coz nakatulong ako in my little ways. Atleast, parang naramdaman ko, may purpose pa din pala ako sa mundo. hehehe! Mas lalo na ngayon... There is something wrong... errr right. I'm a bit afraid.. excited.. worried... and paranoid. But whatever the result would be is.. I'll keep it. I don't want to regret it. Bahala na lang muna. Tutal, di pa naman sigurado.

I haven't blog for awhile.. Wala din akong maisulat masyado kasi busy kami. It's still the same as last week.. Ngayon, di ko na alam kung pano kasi bago na ang sched ni Bullit.. I'm missing him already. Sabi na nga ba eh.. ayaw kong nasasanay na nandyan lang siya. Pero ok lang naman ako.. di na irritated like before and madaming iniisip. Ayaw ko munang mag-isip isip.
I'll just watch my life goes by. :)

A Week Full of Happiness

Too thankful for this week.
How I wish it never end.

Since Bullit started his training in Makati, he never failed to stop over my shop after office hour. Masyado daw matraffic kaya tambay na lang daw muna siya.
I had never been so happy like this for the past few months.
I just feel complete again.. and I don't know why.
Maybe, I'm just glad that he's just around... and syempre, with the thought that you don't obliged or even invited him. Yung kusa lang na gusto nya dito.
I appreciate those wallpapers na ginawa nya, well.. every pc eh may kanya-kanyang layout. Kaya ko namang gawin yon but I don't have the time.. atsaka infairness, creative kasi siya. Di tulad ko na contented na sa plain.

For the past few days, I feel like being someone's wife again. Oh siya.. dream on but that's how I feel. When I wake up in the morning, all the thoughts in me are ... "ano kayang ulam namin mamyang gabi pagdating nya?".. "magbake kaya ako mamya".. "maaga kaya siyang uuwi?".. "magluto kaya ako.. ano kaya yung madali lang lutuin"
Hopeless case talaga but I'm happy and I never regret it coz maybe.. I accepted the fact that it's over for the both of us... and the only thing left for us is the thing we call "friendship".. with benefits? hmmm... puede pero ayaw kong isipin na ganon.

We spend the whole weekend together.. I'm glad he still have a spare clothes with me. Puro movies ang inatupag namin and very relaxing talaga. Buti na lang may kasama na din ako ditos a shop. I'm just afraid to sleep alone again tonight. Hay! mumu thing na naman. Bahala na si Batman mamya.

Tomorrow is a good day to start.
Kelangan ko na talagang mag-gym.. Aero, taebo.. kahit ano! Atsaka diet na talaga.
No more chocolates, no more ice cream!!!
Di lang para magboost ng aking confidence.. di na rin kasi magkasya yung mga damit ko sa kin. waah!!
Kung pupunta pa din siya dito tomorrow (2 weeks daw kasi siyang pang-araw), eh di GREAT!! Kung lie low muna siya... Ok din lang. There are so many things to do din naman.

I remember last week, I bought a skirt.. actually I already have a blouse na match don. Excited ever ang byuti ko pag-uwi para i-fit ang blouse. Anak ng patis!! Nagmamakaawa ang mga bilbil ko!! Oh my gulay.. Muntik pa akong malate sa kasal ng friend ko kakapalit ng outfit, buti na lang may nagkasya pa. :)

I'm having a hard time being a schezoprenic. Mahirap pala pag di ka ganon. hahaha!! So, ano ba talaga ang gagamitin ko? Yung isa na magpapawala nung image ni panget sa kin or yung matagal ko ng ginagamit na puede kong gawin lahat ng gusto ko.. kasi don ako nakilala and madali lang talagang humirit kasi ... yon ang personality ko talaga eh. Well, I can be me with the other one but I know deep inside me that there is something missing... and I am not enjoying it as well. Siguro dahil sa log in- log out na yan.

Si Tolerante at Suplada....

Anak ng teteng... Ay! ayoko na lang magreklamo coz I love what's happening right now.

Since Bullit left his job 3 weeks ago, we've been seeing each other often.. or let me say.. everyday. Oh no.. di ako napapagod. I'm just afraid na masanay na naman sa presence nya. He got a new job at Makati (near my place).. and he's at training right now. Awhile ago, we've been talking about my "suitors to be"... I asked him kung kikilatisin ba nya or ano yung gagawin nya when it happen. Tingnan ko na lang daw ang mukha nya. Pramis.. Ang pangit ng itsura nya. :D Pinag-isip nya ko kung ano bang gusto nyang mangyari.. Hmmm.. Maybe, the best thing with that is... I showed him na nagsisimula na akong mag-isip na papalitan ko na siya... and he needs to re-assess his self.. at kung ano ba talaga ang plano nya sa king buset siya.

Toleranteng konsensya: At ba't nga ba parang napaka-allergic ko ngayon sa term ng manliligaw. Wala lang.. tinatawanan ko lang minsan yung mga customer ko na nagtatanong kung may bf na ako.

*esep-esep*

Supladang konsensya: Pano ba naman sila makakaporma eh every week ata eh nandito ang panget of my life... Walanghiyang Bullit na to! Kaya walang nanliligaw sa kin eh!!

Masaya naman.. I'm beginning to move on with my life.... with him around. Ang ayaw ko lang sa kanya, when he reminisce. If there were things he wanted to bring back in his life, yon yung buhay pa yung dad nya.. and the second one is.. Yung bago pa lang daw kaming mag-on. Napakagulo.. I don't want to jump into conclusion after he said that. I also share my piece.. Well, yon din naman ang gusto kong balikan, yung di pa siya napunta sa London... Masaya kasi non eh para kaming honeymooners. :)
I remember going to the church every sunday with him and have a dinner on my place.. or just a plane lakwatsa sa mall. Namiss ko din yung pagkain ng isaw malapit sa kanila.. and he miss it too pero yung dito naman sa amin. We didn't fight.. we didn't argue about things.. We dont get jealous to anybody. We both have that love and respect to each other.. I don't know what hits him at nagloko na siya after he came back from London. Siguro, naiwan yung Bullit ko sa London at ibang Bullit na yung bumalik dito.
But that's life.. Some good things never lasts. At yon ang masakit na part ng buhay.

Maybe next week, di na din kami masyadong magkikita kasi pang-gabi na naman siya. Hay! Sana pang-araw na lang siya forever. Mamimiss ko naman yung dinner with him everyday... yung text nya nasa kanto na lang siya. Hmmm.. Magluto kaya ako tomorrow tapos bake naman sa friday.

Toleranteng konsensya: Good idea panget! Grab the opportunity while it's there... kung sa'n ka masaya. Sige lang.

Supladang konsensya: Yan ang sinasabi ko sayo!! Wag kang masanay na nasa tabi mo siya!!!

*opo.. buset na konsensya!!*

Right now, I'm thinking of going back to the gym.. pero ang bigat ng pwet ko para tumayo sa kama ng maaga. I'm oversleeping lately.. and that's bad. Kahit si Panget eh nagugulat sa katamaran ko. Dati, pag naka-6 hrs sleep ako eh tuwang-tuwa na ko. Pinaka-worst yung kanina.. 12 hrs!! Pero parang gusto ko din. Ang sarap managinip. Ang ayaw ko lang pag nagigising na ko kasi masakit na ang likod ko, ganon talaga ata pag napapasobra sa tulog.

Supladang konsensya: Mas maganda ngang yan na lang ang isipin mo.. kesa bullit-bullit ka dyan.

*abah! humirit pa!!*

Oh siya.. makisakay na lang kayo sa trip ko. :D

Back on the limelight again

after the big blow from Bullit last week that makes me feel depress so much...
that makes me decide to isolate myself from the outside world for awhile.
I know it doesn't make any sense coz it wouldn't leave me behind.. so what the heck! I have a life of my own.. Why do I have to suffer on something I didn't do.
Hell! I just love him so much that's why I am so affected.

Well, I should still be thankful:


for the sun..
for the moon..
for the sky so blue at night..
for the stars, that I've been longing to see when I'm feelin' blue...
for the air that I breathe..
for the rain..
for the water..
for my vitamins to keep me away from flu..
for my friends who keeps on praying for me..
To God who give this all to me..
for my computers, that gives me simoleons to keep me going..
for my customers...
for my mom, who let me borrow her diamond earrings on my friends wedding.. I realized, I have to invest on jewelries..
for my sister, for letting me borrow Chi-chi for awhile and accompanying me to buy a skirt and shoes awhile ago..
To Joshua, for his sarcastic remarks na sapul ako palagi..
to my brothers.. na puro kakulitan ang inaabot ko..
to Bullit, who gave me a 3100 celfone.. and giving me so much pain and loneliness..
to Bullit, whom I love so much but doesn't deserve anything from me at all...
to Bullit.. for all those happy moments and love we shared..
for my ex's.. and their wives and babies..
for this celfone, that makes me escape me for awhile...
for my dvd player who accompany me when I am bored..
for those songs who makes me sad and makes me feel worst sometimes.. but not them all...
for the creator and supporters of Blogspot...
for the Alimasag friends and administrator...
for Yahoo messenger, where i can get intouch with my friends..
for that bastard who get the key in my house, coz if not from him.. I wouldn't be blogging...
for my bed and pillows, that gives me comfort at night..
for my kumot, that keeps me warm at cold nights and stay me away from mosquito bites..
for the aircon, that keeps my shop cool...
for the electricity...
for my electric fans..
for this mouse...
for this keyboard..
for my television set...
for this dress i wore today.. sige.. lahat na lang ng outfit ko for everyday....
for GPRS!...
thanks to my friend, for inviting me on her wedding coz na-unwind ako..
thanks to Globe telecom...
for San mig light.. knocks me off to bed agad...
for the medicines I'm taking everyday to keep me alive...

Did I miss something?..

forgive me for those things I missed. Tao lang po.

I miss myself so much..
I miss the lady who stand after something hit her...
The lady who never escape the world..

I'm still feelin' broken....

I panic when something wrong happen..
I mourn when there's nothing to mourn for...
I got easily affected with something that doesn't matter on my life anymore.
I can't even fight for myself..
I can't even show him how mad I am..
or tell him how that I can't understand it anymore..
or maybe tell him it's over.. let's stop fooling around.

I'm too confused.. afraid.. and still devastated...

Sometimes, I wonder..

...... How could people get along with me?

Ang Puno't Dulo ng Pag-ibig

Nakakatawa talaga ang love. Isa siyang napakalaking oxymoron. Lahat ng pwede mong masabi sa kanya, baliktarin mo at totoo pa rin. Ang labo diba? Pero ang linaw. Masaya magmahal. Malungkot magmahal. Di mo naiintindihan pero naiintindihan mo. Walang rason. Maraming rason. Di mo na kaya, pero kaya mo pa rin. Masakit magmahal. Pero okey lang. Leche, ano ba talaga?! May kaibigan ako, sabi niya dati "Love is only for stupid people." Nakakatawa kasi laude ang standing niya, pero dumating ang panahon, na-in-love din ang hunghang. At ayun, tanga na siya ngayon. lahat kasi ng nahahawakan ng love nagiging oxymoron din. O kaya paminsan, nagiging moron lang. Hindi lang kasi basta baliktaran ang pag-ibig. Lahat ng bagay nababaligtad din niya. Lahat ng malalakas na tao, humihina. Ang mayayabang, nagpapakumbaba. Ang mga walang pakialam, nagiging Mother Teresa. Ang mga henyo, nauubusan ng sagot. Ang malulungkot, sumasaya. Ang matitigas, lumalambot. (At tumitigas din ang mga bagay na madalas nama'y malambot.)

Nakakatawa talaga. Lalo na kapag dumadating siya sa mga taong ayaw na talaga magmahal. Napansin ko nga eh. Parang kung gusto mo lang ma-in-love ulit, sabihin mo lang ang magic words na "Ayoko na ma-inlove!" biglang WACHA! Ayan na siya. Nang-aasar. Magpapaasar ka naman. Di ba nakakatawa rin na pagdating sa problema ng ibang tao, ang galing galing mo? Pero 'pag problema mo na yung pinag-uusapan parang nawawalan ng saysay lahat ng ipinayo mo dun sa namomroblemang tao? Naiisip mong wala namang mali dun sa mga sinabi mo. Pero bakit parang wala ring tama? Bali-baliktad din ang nasasabi ng mga taong tinamaan ng madugong pana ng pag-ibig. "Ngayon ko lang nalaman ganito pala. Sabi ko na eh!" "Ang sarap mabuhay. Pwede na 'ko mamatay. Now na!"

At hindi lang 'yon. Ang sarap din pagtawanan ng mga taong alam naman nilang masasaktan lang sila eh magpapatihulog pa rin sa bangin ng pag-ibig. Tapos 'pag luray-luray na yung puso nila, siyempre hindi sila yung may kasalanan. Siya! "Bakit niya 'ko sinaktan?" May kasama pang pagsuntok sa pader yon, at pagbabagsak ng pinto. Hayop talaga.

Mauubos ang buong magdamag ko kakasabi ng mga bagay na nakakatawa 'pag pag-ibig na ang pinag-usapan. Ang daming beses ko na kasi siya nakasalubong kaya masasabi ko nang eksperto na 'ko. Pero wala pa rin akong alam. Pero ang pinakanakakatawa sa lahat ay ang katotohanang kapag gusto magpatawa ng pag-ibig, ipusta na mo na lahat ng ari-arian mo dahil siguradong ikaw ang punchline.

Nakakatawa no?

Nakakaiyak.

I wish I wasn't

here's a few line of our favorite song...
a song he likes so much but he doens't know it's a song for him.

I wish I could tell him to leave me alone.. but I promise him that I will stay forever by his side, no matter what happen. And now.. here I am again. So confused.. wishing my days will end.

Wish I could stay a little longer to keep my sanity with me..

I wish I wasn’t in love with you
So you couldn’t hurt me
It just ain’t fair the way you treat me
No you don’t deserve me
Wasted my time thinking about you and you ain’t never gone change
I wish I wasn’t in love with you
So I wouldn’t feel this way

When you touch me my heart melts
And everything you did wrong I forget
So you play me and take advantage
Of the love that I feel for you
Why you wanna hurt me so bad
I believed in you thats why I’m so mad
Now I’m drowning in disappointment, and it’s hard for me to even look at you
I wish that you were home
Holding me tight in your arms ooh baby
I wish I could go back
To the day before we met and skip my regret

Said you care about me, but from what I see
I ain’t feeling that, so I disagree
Gave you all my love and understanding and you treated me like your enemy
So leave me alone, don’t want nothing from you
Just go back where you came from this house is no longer your home
You can not never come no more

I wish I wasn’t in love with you so you couldn’t hurt me.