talked to Chris on the phone awhile ago. i don't know kung ano ang nararamdaman ko para sa kanya. maybe, devastated of what happened to him, and still, sinisisi ko yung sarili ko kung ba't siya nag-asawa ng maaga. he already have 2 kids now. i'm disappointed sa nangyari sa buhay nya. why am I blaming myself? siguro, kung di ko siya ipinagpalit kay bullit, baka kami na ang nagpakasal.

the way he speak, i felt the disappointments and sadness in his voice. he admit that his not happy on his married life, and still comparing me with his wife. siguro daw, kung ako ang napangasawa nya, may nag-aasikaso sa pagkain nya, etc.... i can still feel na mahal nya ako. tama nga si bullit, wala akong tamang desisyon na ginawa, at malaking pagkakamali yung pinabalik ko siya sa buhay ko. we (chris and I) we're happy that time before he enter the picture again. i wasn't aware that he'll ruin my life. sometimes, i ask myself why did I let him go back... why did I let it happen. hay! ayoko ng sisihin pa ang sarili ko. tapos na yon. wala na sila. tinamaan din ako ng karma.

funny how he talk about his marriage life... siguro, pinapasaya na lang nya yung moment kasi ngayon lang ulit kami nakapag-usap. actually, he and his wife was talking about me when I call.

I was frustrated awhile ago, i don't know what to do with the computers. ma-virus ba naman ang mga pc.. ay naku.. tuliro ako! i can't even smile anymore. I was taking every chance kanina, calling everybody i know who can help me with the net pocket I encountered on counterstrike. I was hopeless coz even my technician doesn't know what to do!!! damn! he (Chris) was the last person na alam kong makakatulong sa akin, coz experience wisely.. madami siyang alam about computer networks coz may computer shop na siya dati. wala na pala yung computer shop nya. it was closed last december before he got married last january. I also call Bullit but he still haven't got home. 4pm na, di pa nauwi si gago. Siguro, kasama pa nya yung babae nya. I was thinking about it kanina and I felt my heart break.. i just feel like I wanna cry.. I wanna shout.. and I admit, few tears falls in my eyes. Ba't ba ako nagpapaapekto eh wala na kami. He can do anything he wants.. kahit sinong babae pa ang kasama nya or kasama nya sa "doon".. alam ko, tao lang siya.

back to Chris, I feel something about him.. isa na don ang panghihinayang. nanghihinayang ako kung ba't ko siya pinagpalit sa walang kwentang bullit na yan. si Chris na kahit magalit ako, murahin ko... nandyan lang.. magpapalamig lang, tapos ok na ulit. For 4 years that I know, he never change. Alam ko, mahal pa rin nya ako.. sayang lang talaga. Maybe, we're not really meant to be. Sabi ko nga sa kanya, bakit ka kasi nagmadali. hay buhay! parang life!!!

I don't know kung anong spirit ang pumapasok sa kin ngayon. Naiisip ko si Bullit. :(
My dad visit us yesterday, I told him na wala na kami ni Bullit. He asked me why. I just tell him na ganon talaga, tapos na yon. Ginulo nya yung buhok ko, charge to experience na lang daw. Wag daw akong iiyak, kasi pag umiyak ako... ako daw ang talunan. Natawa na lang ako.
I feel lonely.. I miss him. Ewan ko kung bakit. Siguro, kung kasama ko siya ngayon.. ah.. hindi ko na alam. Ayokong magpatalo sa emotion ko.. mas lalo lang akong masasaktan.

Mahal ko pa pala siya hanggang ngayon. :(

This day is so disappointing... disappointed with Bullit and Ian, my computer technician. I'm planning to replace him. I just can't understand why he is doing this to me. Andaming problema sa pc since nagpalit kami ng OS. My os before was xp, we had a problem with the configuration coz di na nagmimi-meet yung network although nakakapaglaro ng mga games, di sila makita sa neighborhood. In short, may mali sa ip add nila. We observe it for a week, wala namang problema sa mga games, walang hang or nagcrash man lang... it's just the neighborhood thing. He can't fix it so I suggest.. "what if we change our OS to windows 98?" madami kasing nagsasabi na maganda ang 98 mas lalo na sa gaming. We changed the OS to windows 98.. and don mas lumala ang problema. Well, nagkita naman sila sa neighborhood but yung mga games eh nagka-crash, may problem sa mouse, and nagha-hang na yung pc. I am wondering what's wrong with the pc. Is there something wrong with the way he install it... I can't figure out what's happening and nahihiya ako sa mga customer ko pag nagloloko na ang mga pc. Lately, umiinit na ang ulo ko.. Lagi na lang akong nag-iinstall ng counterstrike, minsan di na siya puedeng iremove kasi may problema na. Last last week, he went here and he tried to fix the problem. He came here unexpectedly. I wasn't prepared coz puyatan talaga ang pag-iinstall nitong pc kasi madaling araw lang nababakante ang shop. When the clock strike at 2 am.. pumipikit na ang mata ko. Antok na antok na ako. I ask him if it's ok kung matutulog na ako since nandon naman yung brother ko and his friends to assist him. Sabi nya, ok lang. I also told him to wake me up when he's done para macheck ko naman yung gawa nya. He didn't wake me. He didn't even left a note of what he had accomplished that night. I was disatisfied with his work coz wala namang changes except na naayos na nya yung configuration ng modem... yon ang rason kung ba't di ako nakapag-internet for 2 fucking weeks. (syet! umiinit na naman ang ulo ko). He texted me the ff. morning, apologizing coz he didn't woke me. He told me that he'll be back that day. I waited for him but he didn't visit me. After a few days, saka lang siya bumalik at may kasama pa. He just dropby to check kung anong status ng pc. I ask him the usual thing.. naghahang pa din... at may kasunod na, Kelan mo ba to aayusin? Ang sabi, babalikan na lang nya after a week kasi may nilalakad siya. He also told me na magbubukas din yung barkada nya ng computer shop, nagstart na daw silang magcanvass. Sabi ko naman na unahin na muna nya yung pc ko bago siya tumanggap ng bagong trabaho. Which is tama naman di ba. Di naman thank you lang tong trabaho nya sa kin.. I pay him at may kasama pang bonus yon! Di na siya nagpakita for a week and a half. Kanina lang siya lumitaw ng walang pasabi. He asked me again the same question, kung kamusta ang pc.. I answered the same again. Papalitan na daw nya yung OS ngayon, kaya ibig sabihin non eh mag-iinstall na naman ng games. Ang problema, lahat ng cd eh ipinahiram ko kay Bullit. Syempre, nataranta na naman ako. I call Bullit and ask him na kukunin ko na yung mga cd's. Oo daw but papasok na siya kaya kunin ko na lang daw sa kuya nya. Ang nakakaasar, di pala nya sinabi. Naaasar ako kasi ba't ganto naman si bullit, pag siya ang may kailangan sa akin eh nandyan agad ako.. pero pag ako na eh iniiwanan nya ako sa ere. Ano ba naman yung sasabihin lang nya sa kuya nya na kukunin ko na yung mga cd.. napakasimple lang non. Di ba nya naisip na magbibiyahe pa ako ng malayo?! Bullshit talaga.

Nung papunta na ako sa kanila, nagtext naman sa kin si Ian. Kakain daw muna siya. I didn't reply... naiinis ako sa kanya coz before I left, I asked him kung nagugutom siya. sabi nya, kumain na daw sila. tapos umalis lang ako eh kakain daw sila kasi nagugutom na sila. Ano ba naman yan.. I might be too harsh pero ba't nagsisinungaling pa siya. Eto pa ang mas nakakainis.. Ala pa din siya. namumuti na ang mata namin kakahintay. Di na siguro siya babalik. Naaasar ako. Gusto ko siyang pagalitan.. gusto ko siyang murahin sa mga ginagawa nya. Gusto ko siyang tarayan at pamukhaan. If he's thinking na di na ako makakahanap ng technician, he fucking wrong. madaming mas magaling pa sa kanya! Naiinis ako kasi pupunta siya dito na walang pasabi.. ano ba siya? Para isang text lang.. nagpiprima donna pa siya. Sobrang sama ng loob ko kasi mas inuna pa nya yung isang project nya, yung computer shop ng barkada nya. Ano ba namang klaseng tao to. Di ba siya professional?! Pinakinabangan na nya yung bayad ko sa kanya samantalang yung gawa nya dito palpak pa.

Watch the Passion of Christ.. Grabe.. napapaluha ako sa palabas. parang gusto kong sabihin na tama na.. ewan ko... parang ang bigat ng dibdib ko. :(

nadala ako sa palabas. isipin mo nga naman, kawawa talaga si Jesus di ba.

My song to Bullit

Movies
Alien Ant Farm


At slow speed we all seem focused
In motion we seem wrong
In summer we can taste the rain

Chorus:
I want you to be free
Don’t worry about me
And just like the movies
We play out our last scene

Two can play this game
We both want power
In winter we can taste the pain

In our short years, we come long way
To treat it bad and throw away

Chorus

You won’t cry, I won’t scream

In our short years we come long way
To treat it bad and throw away
And if we make a little space
A science fiction showcase
In our short film, a love disgrace
Dream a scene to brighten face
In our short years we come long way
To treat it bad, just to throw it away

----

I really want to set you free,naunahan mo lang ako. It's over. Goodbye.

i woke up late!!!!

grabe... di ko namalayan yung oras. pano naman kasi natulog na ako around 4. :( nakalimutan kong i-set yung alarm ng celfone ko. I'm glad maaga si matly pumunta dito sa shop, kahit papano may nagbukas. :) ewan ko ba sa tao na to, wala naman kaming agreement pero nakakatuwa siya. he's always there to help. shocks.. naalala ko na naman si Mitche. my new bestfriend. I'm glad we had the chance to be close. Nakakatuwa tong tao na to. Whenever he see me na nakasimangot, he never hesitate to ask and give me solutions to my problems. Sometimes we argue alot, mas lalo na yung tungkol kay bullit. pag ayaw kong magpatalo, dinadaan ko na lang sa counterstrike. hahaha! nakakaaliw pag siya ang kalaban ko. I like him.. so much. Sayang, maagang nag-asawa but I'm glad we're friends. :)

Pain in the ass

Oh my gulay!

ganto pala kahirap ayusin tong lintek na skin na toh!
glad may improvement na :)

ba't ayaw gumana ng link? kaisa-isang link na nga lang .. ayaw pa :(

oh my! help!

pano ba to?

pano ba yung pag edit nung name ko dito sa blog?

I'm here on my shop... another long day full of fun and surprises. Actually, i've never been bored here except at night pag yung mga squatters na yung naglalaro :( oh.. di pala bored, tensed and bad trip. sino ba naman ang di maiinis with this people? kakausapin mo di magsasalita. Sometimes, when I ask them their names, sasagot pa.. bubulong pa! Hay naku.. pag may topak ako, I'm giving them different names, like panget, kups.. and the likes.. hahaha! sama ko talaga. Eh nakakainis naman talaga! >:C

ang ganda ng panaginip ko kanina but sadly pangit ang meaning :( hay! false friends and enemies. I wonder who they are. Well, di naman talaga maiiwasan sa buhay yan di ba. Well, i believe in premonition and I believe what does my dream told me. So, i'd better be cautious.

he's still not texting me.. I wonder why. Oh no no no... don't ever think na mauuna kang magtext sa kanya. Sasapakin na talaga kita jo. Pramis!!!! Tama na yon... AS IN TAMA NA!! Yeah, he's been a part of your life.. you both share the most intimate and happiest things you never experience to anyone pero may end yon. Everything has its ending.. everything has to change, coz change is the only permanent thing in this world.
Nalungkot tuloy ako. Sometimes I miss him. Minsan nga parang nangingilid ang luha ko pero hanggang ngilid na lang. I'm not crying anymore... I don't have to cry for a lost love. I should be happy kasi nakaalis na ako sa ganong relasyon. For the record, the last time I cry because of him is Feb 20. I was driving going to his house at C5. Reasonable coz that was 4 days after the break up. Ano ba yan.. parang big deal ang pag iyak ko! Iniisip ko kasi na ba't ko naman siya iiyakan? Bakit pa? dahil nawala siya sa buhay ko? No way!!! I've been mourning since the day I felt that he's drifting away from me. I've been crying for months because of him. Kahit xmas di pa nya pinalagpas. Sometimes, i'm thinking how could a good and loving relationship will end like that. How could it be that he's so warm yesterday tapos paggising mo, iba na siya. Siguro after this, makakalimutan ko na naman siya. Tama lang siguro tong desisyon na ginawa ko sa buhay ko. The last time we came here, we had fight pa. Eh bakit kaya siya guilty?! ay naku.. sinasabi nya na malalim siyang tao but I can't see it. Sometimes i see him na parang boy toy.. kung gamit siya sa katawan.. he's like fancy.. cute but di nagtatagal. That's how I see him right now. He loves stuff that's not suited on his age.

Wala pa din si matly.. anong oras kaya dadating yon? oh my God! may crush na ako!!! hahaha! syet! after 2 and 1/2 year, ngayon lang ulit ako tumingin sa ibang lalaki. Syet! for the record to!!!!