talked to Chris on the phone awhile ago. i don't know kung ano ang nararamdaman ko para sa kanya. maybe, devastated of what happened to him, and still, sinisisi ko yung sarili ko kung ba't siya nag-asawa ng maaga. he already have 2 kids now. i'm disappointed sa nangyari sa buhay nya. why am I blaming myself? siguro, kung di ko siya ipinagpalit kay bullit, baka kami na ang nagpakasal.

the way he speak, i felt the disappointments and sadness in his voice. he admit that his not happy on his married life, and still comparing me with his wife. siguro daw, kung ako ang napangasawa nya, may nag-aasikaso sa pagkain nya, etc.... i can still feel na mahal nya ako. tama nga si bullit, wala akong tamang desisyon na ginawa, at malaking pagkakamali yung pinabalik ko siya sa buhay ko. we (chris and I) we're happy that time before he enter the picture again. i wasn't aware that he'll ruin my life. sometimes, i ask myself why did I let him go back... why did I let it happen. hay! ayoko ng sisihin pa ang sarili ko. tapos na yon. wala na sila. tinamaan din ako ng karma.

funny how he talk about his marriage life... siguro, pinapasaya na lang nya yung moment kasi ngayon lang ulit kami nakapag-usap. actually, he and his wife was talking about me when I call.

I was frustrated awhile ago, i don't know what to do with the computers. ma-virus ba naman ang mga pc.. ay naku.. tuliro ako! i can't even smile anymore. I was taking every chance kanina, calling everybody i know who can help me with the net pocket I encountered on counterstrike. I was hopeless coz even my technician doesn't know what to do!!! damn! he (Chris) was the last person na alam kong makakatulong sa akin, coz experience wisely.. madami siyang alam about computer networks coz may computer shop na siya dati. wala na pala yung computer shop nya. it was closed last december before he got married last january. I also call Bullit but he still haven't got home. 4pm na, di pa nauwi si gago. Siguro, kasama pa nya yung babae nya. I was thinking about it kanina and I felt my heart break.. i just feel like I wanna cry.. I wanna shout.. and I admit, few tears falls in my eyes. Ba't ba ako nagpapaapekto eh wala na kami. He can do anything he wants.. kahit sinong babae pa ang kasama nya or kasama nya sa "doon".. alam ko, tao lang siya.

back to Chris, I feel something about him.. isa na don ang panghihinayang. nanghihinayang ako kung ba't ko siya pinagpalit sa walang kwentang bullit na yan. si Chris na kahit magalit ako, murahin ko... nandyan lang.. magpapalamig lang, tapos ok na ulit. For 4 years that I know, he never change. Alam ko, mahal pa rin nya ako.. sayang lang talaga. Maybe, we're not really meant to be. Sabi ko nga sa kanya, bakit ka kasi nagmadali. hay buhay! parang life!!!